5/6/14

mathemagicalschema: A blonde-haired boy asleep on an asteroid next to a flower. (Default)
(a most ineffective means of posing a question)

Who are you?
I'm Mathemagical Schema, or Sidney, or Sid. You probably know me already. Lucky you!

What if I *don't* know you?
Are you sure? You could have been acquainted with my past life. Otherwise, you should know that I am inclined to ramble about my life, my brain, the internet, being queer, and sometimes music. Aside from that, anything you need to know should present itself when you need to know it. Such is the way of things.

Why am I here?
Here, on Dreamwidth? Dreamwidth has been my internet home for years now, and has led to me meeting some of my favorite people. I appreciate, among other things, that the privacy settings are worth a damn, and it feels (socially) like the best things about web 1.0.

Here, like, on this planet? beats me, man, that's an awfully deep question to be asking someone on the internet. I mean, why are any of us here, really?

What even is your username
A reference to Metamagical Themas (not to be confused with thetamagical memas), Douglas Hofstadter's old Scientific American column. Also, a perfectly reasonable name for someone with predilections for long-range planning, applied rationality and self-awareness, chaos magic, and mild math nerdery.

woah dude what if life was just like
this incomplete and inconsistent axiomatic system
but with like, all these other parts that are unpredictably driven by the wishing power of the heart
and everything's all planned out but we can still mess it up
life is like, a mathemagical schema, or something

Why did you start this journal?
Lots of my meatspace friends have become long-distance, some of my internet friends are going to become in-person friends, and the whole online/offline distinction was getting very wibbly and troublesome. This lets me downsize my triple-life to only a double-life - exciting!

I think that says it all, really. I don't even know why I'd bother posting again.
mathemagicalschema: A blonde-haired boy asleep on an asteroid next to a flower. (Default)
Moving to Illinois is a thing that happened! I am living with my dad in the middle of nowhere. I don't get out much, what with not driving, but I'll try to describe what I'm up to these days.

I have lots of time alone in the house. This is good. I need time alone (or only with people I'm very, very close to) in mass quantities, and I haven't had nearly as much as I need for the past two years and especially the past year. I'm focusing a lot on just resting and establishing routines. I was genuinely surprised to discover that when I can establish routines and not have them broken down immediately, and when I'm not constantly faced with needing to do things I know I simply can't, I don't burst into tears all the time! That probably sounds sarcastic, but I was really expecting to have more baggage of some kind to work through.

I am an awful lot less anxious overall, but worry-fuel is never scarce. I've never had the greatest relationship with my dad, and things are getting better, but there's so much that I know I can't say to him. I hate lying, and I hate hiding, and I keep catching myself wanting to relate some anecdote about Emily, and stopping. Wanting to talk about some news in her life - and news in her life is news in my life - and stopping. Saying something about having been to Texas - and stopping. I don't know what he'd do or what I'd do if I let something slip. Plus, being able to work on the things I need to do to move and start school, for instance, really snaps all the anxiety about it into focus.

In indubitably happy news, I got a guitar! It's an Alvarez Artist Series AC65CE, a classical electric-acoustic. I have been practicing just about every day, and I can pretty well stumble through "Anyone Else But You" (moldy peaches, the song at the end of Juno) and twelve-bar blues, and do a couple classical strumming patterns? So that seems to be going well, though yesterday my hand was going "AUGH WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME".

I wanted to track habits like guitar practice, and some lovely person introduced me to HabitRPG, which is working really well for me. It essentially gamifies habit-formation and getting stuff done like an old-school RPG. Other gamification tools I've seen haven't really had any added value to me because they basically just use the words for game concepts, putting a game-like veneer over things. HabitRPG is an actual game - not a very deep one, but a game no less - that forces you to do real-life productive things to progress. You add different kinds of tasks (habits, to-dos, dailies), and whenever you check them off, you get gold and experience. When you do a bad habit or miss a daily, you lose health. Experience lets you level up, unlocking new features, and gold lets you buy new equipment to increase your stats. It's the first thing I've experienced that makes me want to go to bed early for more sweet loot. I'll probably write a post sometime on how and why I think it's so helpful. I highly recommend checking it out.

The plan is still to move to Bellingham in September. I'm figuring out what I need to do to make that happen. A lot of it depends on [personal profile] auxiliatrix. Some of it, I'm not sure how I'm going to do without my dad figuring out that we mean to live together. I largely couldn't care less how he reacts once I'm there and I have my stuff, but I'm rather concerned about how I'll be able to convince anyone to rent me a place without a cosigner (and I'm not sure who else to ask). Talking with my sister has been helpful.

I think that basically sums it up for now, but how are you?