mathemagicalschema: A blonde-haired boy asleep on an asteroid next to a flower. (Default)

I said Yellow would be about social plans, but I lied. Instead it's about my relationship with holidays.

My dad's side of the family knows how to do Christmas right. My grandma used to mail out big tubs of Pfefferkuchen topped with chocolate and a few sprinkles a couple weeks before the day. Christmas Eve dinner is usually something simple but nice, maybe cheese fondue or roasted duck legs. There's presents to unwrap and actually classy Christmas music playing. They polish the actually-silver-silverware and have a great fancy dinner, ending in a big, boozy trifle.

I don't have any of that this year. It's important for me to remember that that was my choice: the reasons I'm not there are awful and unfair, but I could have gone. It's hard not to be wistful, all the same.

Instead, I'm doing dinner with a couple friends, and I am going all-out, within the allowances of my budget. I have made cookies and acquired a duck and they're bringing the sides and dessert. It still feels strange to be the one hosting. I am confronting the question of what my own traditions are going to be, much earlier than I thought I would need to.

extensive noodling )

mathemagicalschema: A teapot with a knitted tea cozy over it. The tea cozy says "arse" in a light blue script. (arse teapot)

The quarter finished! I am now on winter break. My intrepid and long-suffering readers may remember that I was just taking an English class this quarter. I, uh, actually haven't finished it.

Whooops.

I mean, I did the paperwork so that this is actually fine and I can turn in the two essays I need to write (and haven't even slightly started) after winter break, but uuuuuuggggghhhh. I feel terrible/worried about taking one class and not even being able to finish on time.

The kinds of essays the class wants from me are very hard for my brain to do. I can do creative writing just fine, even on a deadline to some extent, because I can virtually always turn an assignment into something I actually want to write, and I'm familiar with various tricks for generating material even when it's going to suck. Similarly, I think I could do more technical writing alright, because that's more like "convert this idea to words in the clearest way possible", it doesn't require creative input in remotely the same way. All this nonfiction analysis/persuasive whatever demands that I apply my creativity to stuff that I would never voluntarily write, and I've literally never had to or tried to write in an academic style before, and I am absurdly perfectionistic and work too hard at having ideas that are actually interesting.

One thing I'm specifically struggling with in regards to one of my essays is that it is way too open-ended for me to cope with. I am supposed to write a "researched persuasive essay" about... literally anything.

Gulp.

Next quarter, though! Next quarter I'm taking intro to theater and an anthropology class. I hope it will be an easy quarter, but it also puts me at 10 credits, so I can hopefully join student senate! And my schedule is M-W-F only, with nothing in the wee hours of the morning, so yay to that.