2016: good goddamn riddance
Dec. 31st, 2016 10:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mathemagicalschemaTo put it briefly, so as to get something written before midnight: this year sucked. I feel lonely and exhausted. I fought like hell to stay in school, but in the end I just couldn't. PTSD and recovery took over my life for a while. I haven't yet found work that I can do, and right now that's backburnered to focus on my health. It feels like every year, I lose at least as much as I gain.
But there have been gains. I might be less social and trusting, but I feel like I have a better sense of who can be trusted and how I can enforce my boundaries. Some of my brain is coming back for writing - in fits and starts; I'm not doing anything creative yet, but when I want to say something I can put the words together for it. In spite of all that's happened, I've been able to get to know some new people in ways that feel safe to me. I'm more in touch with my family - my dad visited recently, and that went well! My partner and I feel closer all the time, and we'll soon be celebrating two years together.
I feel stuck. I've spent so much of my life unemployed, not in school, living off money from my dad or the government, and nothing I've tried so far has been able to get me out of that. I'm not out of ideas yet, but I'm getting so close it scares me. If none of the health stuff I'm pursuing substantially changes what I'm able to do, I don't know what there is for me to try next.
I'm feeling kind of down right now - New Year's is normally significant to me, but I'm spending it alone and I couldn't get my brain together to do any of the rituals I normally would. So this post may be more of a reflection of how I'm feeling right now, than now my 2016 actually was.
Anyway, good riddance 2016. Hi 2017 - I assume you can't possibly be worse, but 2016 has kind of set you up to fail so I hope you can understand that I might be a little wary of you for a while. Anyway, welcome.
But there have been gains. I might be less social and trusting, but I feel like I have a better sense of who can be trusted and how I can enforce my boundaries. Some of my brain is coming back for writing - in fits and starts; I'm not doing anything creative yet, but when I want to say something I can put the words together for it. In spite of all that's happened, I've been able to get to know some new people in ways that feel safe to me. I'm more in touch with my family - my dad visited recently, and that went well! My partner and I feel closer all the time, and we'll soon be celebrating two years together.
I feel stuck. I've spent so much of my life unemployed, not in school, living off money from my dad or the government, and nothing I've tried so far has been able to get me out of that. I'm not out of ideas yet, but I'm getting so close it scares me. If none of the health stuff I'm pursuing substantially changes what I'm able to do, I don't know what there is for me to try next.
I'm feeling kind of down right now - New Year's is normally significant to me, but I'm spending it alone and I couldn't get my brain together to do any of the rituals I normally would. So this post may be more of a reflection of how I'm feeling right now, than now my 2016 actually was.
Anyway, good riddance 2016. Hi 2017 - I assume you can't possibly be worse, but 2016 has kind of set you up to fail so I hope you can understand that I might be a little wary of you for a while. Anyway, welcome.
