mathemagicalschema: A blonde-haired boy asleep on an asteroid next to a flower. (Default)
To put it briefly, so as to get something written before midnight: this year sucked. I feel lonely and exhausted. I fought like hell to stay in school, but in the end I just couldn't. PTSD and recovery took over my life for a while. I haven't yet found work that I can do, and right now that's backburnered to focus on my health. It feels like every year, I lose at least as much as I gain.

But there have been gains. I might be less social and trusting, but I feel like I have a better sense of who can be trusted and how I can enforce my boundaries. Some of my brain is coming back for writing - in fits and starts; I'm not doing anything creative yet, but when I want to say something I can put the words together for it. In spite of all that's happened, I've been able to get to know some new people in ways that feel safe to me. I'm more in touch with my family - my dad visited recently, and that went well! My partner and I feel closer all the time, and we'll soon be celebrating two years together.

I feel stuck. I've spent so much of my life unemployed, not in school, living off money from my dad or the government, and nothing I've tried so far has been able to get me out of that. I'm not out of ideas yet, but I'm getting so close it scares me. If none of the health stuff I'm pursuing substantially changes what I'm able to do, I don't know what there is for me to try next.

I'm feeling kind of down right now - New Year's is normally significant to me, but I'm spending it alone and I couldn't get my brain together to do any of the rituals I normally would. So this post may be more of a reflection of how I'm feeling right now, than now my 2016 actually was.

Anyway, good riddance 2016. Hi 2017 - I assume you can't possibly be worse, but 2016 has kind of set you up to fail so I hope you can understand that I might be a little wary of you for a while. Anyway, welcome.
mathemagicalschema: A blonde-haired boy asleep on an asteroid next to a flower. (Default)

each sealed with a different color of ribbon. "I think these are related to your research," she says. "Go on, open them. As many as you like."

Which do you want to read first?

  • The scroll with the dark blue ribbon. Something about the Battle of West Doroway. [I'll post about finishing up my English class and my plans for next quarter.]
  • The scroll with the emerald green ribbon, about the Order of the Carnation and the Order of the Inkpot. [I'll post about club stuff and my experiences with organization/leadership.]
  • The scroll with the red velvet ribbon. Something about the Count's affair with the Earl of Birnwood. [I'll post about new boyfriend eee.]
  • The scroll with the yellow ribbon, about the city's Festival of Longnight celebrations. [I'll post about my social plans for December.]
  • The scroll with the black ribbon, about the Battle of Silvermount. [I'll post about job stuff, namely, not having one and not knowing what to look for.]
  • The scroll with the multicolored ribbon, written in an indecipherable script. "Oh, that one's special," says the wizard. "It'll tell you anything you want to know, if you ask the right questions." [I'll post about anything you tell me to!]

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mathemagicalschema: A blonde-haired boy asleep on an asteroid next to a flower. (Default)
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